My Next Boyfriend Will Be Young
I have been very fortunate to have pretty consistent relationships for most of my adult life. For a lot of people, this is either problematic or a point of envy. For me, I just walk into spaces, connect with people and wrap them up in a bow and love them like my new pet.
If you have read any of my stuff, you know that I haven't always been a good boyfriend. Even after being the antagonist in domestic violence situations, breaking dudes' hearts, cheating and escorting while in relationships, I stand as proof you CAN turn a hoe into a househusband (wife on occasion and usually the breadwinner, but I work from home mostly). Anyway, I have gotten tons better.
Still, dating can take a toll on you. From the ups and downs in relationships, giving too much in the beginning and not being able to keep up, giving too little in the beginning and falling head over heels, waiting to see who messes up first so the vindication game can start, being used, being the user and every other thing that comes on the ugly side of the storm of dating, it can be draining.
I have grown past giving a fuck about any of the aforementioned. It hasn't been an easy journey, but I have realized that I will receive the energy that I readily display so, although I am not about to be out here looking the fool, I ain't worried about what (or who) you doing, how to silence my feelings or emotions and interest and I am not about to waste any energy on it.
Yeah, I get turned down on dates, I have been used and I have been cheated on the basis of them believing because of my nonconcern of their dealings I was cheating but that shit doesn't matter.
What matters is that I am focusing on the promise not the process, the end goal not the "win" goal, the peak and not the repeat. In other words, a bitch is looking for a husband. If someone I'm dating decides to show me he is not him, that is all that matters. I just let it go and move on at this point of my life knowing that he wasn't bad, just bad for me. Soon, I find a new gentleman caller and try it all over again: releasing as much as possible from my past relationships and extracting the knowledge of the things that I have learned. You hear me?
But dudes my age can't do it. They bring all this baggage into their next relationships expecting that I am going to be interested in packing it with them instead of unpacking that shit and throwing some of it away. This is in excess to the fact that you have to fuck them good, take dick on your head, know at least one good recipe, be in school, have two jobs, have a social life that doesn't make you seem awkward but at the same time not be a socialite and add them to your insurance. Listen. I don't have time.
So, I have decided I am going to find me someone young. I want him just after he has been through a few things in life, but just before he becomes bitter. I want him still excited about opportunities with ambition and enthusiasm about the possibilities of the future. I don't want him naive and I don't want to be a "daddy", "cougar" (or as my friend calls men, "jaguar"), but I want him with the ability to fall in love without all these weights on his feet. It seems like the only people that can be found with that description are those that haven't dealt with love too heavily before. Love seems to make you hoes bitter.
You remember back to your first love? It was new, it was exciting, it was trusting. Mine didn't end well because my first love wasn't shit then although he's a good guy now, but if they're dating me I think it would be a great thing. I mean they would get all the resilience and knowledge I have and I would get someone who wasn't afraid to try this thing for real without all of the hangups.
I'm tired of dudes wanting to be in love, but not wanting to fall. If it's real, you won't have a question about me catching you but I'm not in the business to push you into falling. So, I'm getting me a fuckin' young man. Pay it.