Intimate Partner Violence
This week there was a story in the media discussing a young man who was allegedly shot by his partner and passed away. Having overcome many obstacles in life, this young man was obtaining his Doctorate from Columbia University and had already been in the media for some of the incredible work he had done. Still, we don’t know all the facts about the case and that is not the point for this submission.
This submission is to talk about something that is happening all too frequently: intimate partner violence. Intimate partner violence is defined as domestic violence that is done by a current or former partner or spouse. In general, about 1 in 4 women have been reported to have some level of intimate partner violence and about 1 in 7 men report this happening to them. Unfortunately, because same sex relationships don’t report it as often there isn’t substantial data that concerns this feat.
Still, we know that this is an issue and needs to be examined. We know that if it gets physical, the only option is to leave and/or call the police. On the other hand, if you or anyone you know has been in violent situations whether emotional and/ or verbal, I want to give a couple steps to approach getting to a better place.
1. Give each other some space.
It is easy for us to tell persons that that should leave out of a situation of intimate partner violence. Unfortunately, because of life’s circumstances, this can be a hard feat for some people. If possible, that is the best-case scenario, but for the many people who can’t leave, space is a necessary way for people to regain their grounding. Whether that is walking out the door, going to a friend’s home or simply driving around the corner, after you have been disturbed by an argument the best thing one can do is be given the ability to regain composure.
2. Get to the root of the problem.
Many times, we get into arguments simply because we have lost sight of the actual problem. When we give ourselves the space to get to what the actual issue is, we can also ascertain a better grasp on what needs to be fixed. Listen effectively instead of listening to respond. Most conversations can be wrapped in moments if we just realize that what we are trying to fix is the issue and not the person.
3. Couple’s counseling.
Coming from a counselor, I am sure it sounds like I am just trying to keep myself involved. Not at all. Counseling allows for you to explore different avenues on the path to recovery. It allows you to reach back into where some of these triggers for issues came from and give you and your partner the opportunity to work with and through these issues for better people and a better relationship. I am an advocate for counseling in general, but if someone you care about is making you upset enough to verbally or emotionally be abused or abuse you, you are definitely benefit from therapy.
Intimate partner violence is a bigger issue than we would like to believe, but through the work that is being done at Amy Wine Counseling Center, we hope to help you through this and any other life issue we can.