Dear Black, Gay Men,
I am sorry that as a leader in this community I have taken an approach of telling you what I know versus listening to what you need. I am sorry as a leader I have taken for granted that you have put faith in me to lead and, by doing that, chose me as a representative of you. I am sorry that as a leader we have used you for resources and not as a resource.
I apologize for not showing up in the way I should on multiple occasions. I have silenced my mouth and the experiences you have entrusted me with out of fear of the thoughts not being popular. I regret being given permission and position to come to spaces and was absent without notice or regard.
I am also saddened by not allowing you to affirm me. Although appreciated and celebrated in some spaces, I closed myself off out of fear of not being fully accepted if I came as who I am versus who I wanted you to see. I was afraid of your intelligence, brilliance, genius all out of fear that you would outshine me-- fear that I wouldn't be good enough.
But thank you. Thank you for showing up the best way you know how to. Knowing nothing but oppression and oppressors, yet still showing up every day ready to face the world. Thank you for loving and appreciating my fucked up ass and, at times, loving me when I didn't even love myself. Thank you for advising, challenging and pushing me. I am grateful for your light. I am grateful for your resilience. I am grateful for your Black, Gay Magic.
Someone who looks just like you